R.I.P.
The infamous Masked Pistolero was one of the wasteland’s most prolific gunfighters almost a decade ago, and unfortunately his almost regal stature has faded into obscurity following his untimely demise.
Origins…
Born in the hot, sun-scorched streets of Los Albatross, Mexico, the Masked Pistolero made a name for himself in the days when costumed marauders constantly did battle with one another, and engaging in crime sprees across the wastes while keeping their identities secret in order to reap the fruits of their malevolent labours without repercussions from local law enforcement or bounty hunters. Eventually this trend began growing out of control, getting to the point the bounty hunters grew tired of the headache stemmed from getting into constant firefights with entire gangs of grown men dressed as matadors, Day of The Dead skeletons, or in The Masked Pistolero’s case… luchadores.
Los Albatross, Mexico…
His name was never known, however, it is known that he was a high-ranking member of The 9th Ward Luchadores, and excelled at close-range gunfighting and dueling. This was particularly odd to most, as the Luchadores were more of a wrestler themed gang, and were known for their flamboyant hand-to-hand combat and bone-breaking melees that bordered on homoerotic due to the fact a lot of other members wore speedos and kept themselves unusually well-oiled. As far as anyone knows, Pistolero was the only member of his gang that even used a firearm, let alone to such majestic capacity.
Unfortunately for the lawless Los Albatross, with the law enforcement all long-dead and the bounty hunters staying the hell away, the gangs turned on each other and began fighting and killing one another in order to claim the bounties on their fellow gangs. The 9th Ward Luchadores were one such gang to fall victim, and met their end at the hands of The Los Locos Banditos, a gang that was hated for their blatantly crude and stereotypical portrayal as drunken Mexican bandits clad in ponchos and enormous sombreros.
As the two gangs squared off, the Banditos wildly fired their guns in the air from horseback and shouted for half an hour, while the Luchadores flexed their rippling muscles. All save for The Pistolero. As the gang fight erupted in violence, the Luchadores quickly fell due to their inability to suplex men on horses, and the lack of body armor other than wrestling shorts. The Pistolero was the last of his gang, and quickly overcame the Banditos on his own using his superior gunplay and the fact that unlike his opponents, he had not been drinking since 8AM that day.
So he did what any masked hispanic gunfighter would do. He stole a reasonably-sized ox cart, and hauled every last one of the corpses of both gangs into the next town, cashing in on the bounties and making a small fortune.
New beginning in New Nevada…
He used this money to make his way north, eventually joining with the Badland Originals due to his abnormal habit of never taking off his luchador mask. He established himself as a marvelous gunfighter, and a force to be reckoned with in New Nevada. He had also worked with the gang time and time again to pull of numerous high-profile heists ranging from caravan robbery to bank runs. This had earned him respect with Shub, a.k.a. Devil, yet was the cause of scorn from the gang leader’s lieutenant Krogg. The apocalyptic lizard-man viewed The Masked Pistolero’s unorthodox tactics and flamboyant fighting style as both annoying and needless. Certain aspects of his heists grew irritating to Krogg, such as the instance when he insisted his raiding party ride in on horros, when there were clearly enough Trashbikes for everybody.
Nonetheless, his rivalry with Krogg was kept in check and on several occassions, even served as a formidable triggerman for some of the gang fights lead by Krogg.
His name became known across the wastes, and his bravado and skill were nothing short of awe-inspiring.
Death, and the Great Bar-Room Civil War
The Masked Pistolero met a violent end during the Great Bar-Room Civil War of 2128, also known amongst the veteran Badland Originals as “The Jukebox Incident”.
Following a successful raid, Devil installed an intact pre-war jukebox into the bar as a reward for his crew’s hard work and success. Unfortunately, the content of the jukebox caused one of the worst brawls in Badlander history, with the exception of a gunfight several years prior in which somebody crashed a helicopter on a Ranger General less than thirty feet from the front door of the Ground Zero.
A calamitous fight broke out due to somebody playing “Lies” by The Thompson Twins, which caused a great deal of irritation due to its heavy use of obnoxious synthesizers and the terrible vocals. An argument formed as to who played the song, and before The Masked Pistolero could say “Fuck this New Wave pop-rock crap!”, the gang turned on each other like hyenas on a carcass.
The carnage was unimaginable. Shots were fired, tables were burnt and smashed. Men were stabbed, beaten, shot, and lit ablaze. Like wild beasts, the Badlanders fought any outsider in the bar, as well as each other, and even the bar itself. The Masked Pistolero put down many foes with his .45-caliber Schofields, until tragically Krogg crashed into him with a motorcycle. The Pistolero was killed just seconds after gunning down the man who had just released a jar full of bees into the air, as the impact alone of having the trashbike was enough to put an end to his awe-inspiring criminal career.
Krogg suffered two broken teeth and multiple bee stings.
The Aftermath… The fight was eventually ended after Devil put another ganger’s head through the jukebox. Sadly, the ganger’s head had been detached from its body some thirty minutes prior and attempts to re-attach it were unsuccessful. With the terrible music no longer whipping the men into frenzy, the warlord quickly subdued the remaining skirmishes in the bar, not yet knowing what losses had been incurred at the hands of the Thompson Twins and his own men.
Six visiting Desert Rangers had been killed. Eight Badland Originals had been killed by multiple gunshot wounds and stabbing (ruled “Natural Causes” by the gang’s doctor, as these are natural ways to die as a ganger), and over twenty nine other gangers had incurred injuries of the same nature. Eleven people suffered from bee stings. One woman was trampled underfoot by a horse. Three had been killed by Krogg’s motorcycle. One man had died via decapitation. Two men died of cholera.
Memories and Tribute
It is for the loss of the Masked Pistolero that Shub and Krogg agreed that they would not only pre-screen any further jukeboxes before installation, but to honor the Pistolero’s memory by avoiding any other mysterious masked men from joining the Badland Originals. The Pistolero’s Schofields are still on display above the bar to this day.
